starlitdestiny

Meme stolen from an awesome-sauce person:

Reply to this post, and I will list three things I love, like, and/or appreciate about you. Maybe more than three. Then repost to your own journal and spread the love.

Stolen from Lynnnn (too lazy to get a link to Lyn's page, I'm a bad friend)

I'm running a test to see who's reading my posts. So, if you read this, leave me a one-word comment about your day that starts with the last letter of your LJ USERNAME. Only one word please. Then repost so I can leave a word for you. Don't just post a word and not copy - that's not as much fun!

no cut cause i'm lazy and can't remember the code

Have you been naughty or nice this year?
I think I've been pretty nice, but whoooo knows, really.

What do you want most for Christmas?
For a white Christmas, and then the roads to be clear at the beginning of January.

Do you believe in Father Christmas?
Of course I do. :P

What is your favorite food at Christmas?
Blueberry candy-canes. Always. Don't know why.

Have you started your Christmas shopping yet?
Darn near finished! I'm still holding out for a few things buuuut basically done.

Best thing about Christmas:
Christmas Eve. It's like the high holy day of all high holy days. <-- I second what Gen said.

Your memorable Christmas moment:
The cats climbing the tree. My parents seeing the Wolferman's box. I have a thousand, I can't pick.

Christmas wish for this year:
For January to work out the way I dream it will.

Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet?
ALMOST GAH STOP PUSHING

What is your favorite Christmas song?
The First Noel, and/or O Holy Night. And Carol of the Bells. ;___;

What is your favorite Christmas movie?
I'm with Gen on It's A Wonderful Life, I think. I can't believe how long it took me to watch it.

What is your best memory of Christmas?
Actually pulling off the Wolferman's gift, really.

What do you look forward to most at Christmas?
The midnight Christmas Eve service at my church. Even with my faith as tentative as it is, it's not really Christmas until then. That, and watching the video of the family Christmas when I was 3. It's precious.

What are you doing for Christmas this year?
I have the day off, which is wonderful. Christmas Eve services, and then making Christmas coffee cake in the morning, and waiting for Mom to get home from church stuff so that we can open presents. Then we may or may not be going to my grandparents - not sure yet.

Who do you want to kiss under the mistletoe?
Mike. I leave the name without explanation.

What kind of Christmas tree do you have?
The kind that has ornaments on it! And lights, and tinsel! (I have no idea, it was on the tag but I forgot and we bought it at the local place so.)

Do you take part in a secret santa?
Nah, now that I'm not in the theatre department, there's no KKs. ...I kinda miss it.

Do you go to any Christmas parties?
Sorta! We used to have a soiree to go to after midnight service, which I guess is being revived this year. And then I had a staff party for the church I work at, and there's a Christmas thing at Wegmans...and Mom's work has a Christmas party I've started going to.

Have you ever had a white Christmas?
It's usually been white, but this year is really really mild, and I've lost hope in a white Christmas. I'm really, really sad about that.

How early do you wake up on Christmas morning?
Used to wake up early, then late, then started setting an alarm... No ideas on this year.

Do you still get a stocking?
Always. Probably always will.

How many Christmas cards do you normally send out?
I'm bad at cards, so not many. Under 10. I'm writing a Christmas/New Years letter this year though, and that'll go out to bunches of people.

Bold what's true, italicize what's sorta true, leave alone what's normal.

APPEARANCE:
I am 5'4" or shorter.
I think I'm ugly.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have a tattoo.
I am self-conscious about my appearance.
I've had braces.
I own glasses.
I'd get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free.
I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
I have more than 2 piercings.
I have piercings in places besides my ears.
I have freckles.


FAMILY/HOME LIFE:
I've sworn at my parents.
I've been kicked out of the house.
My biological parents are together.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want to have kids someday.
I have children.
I've lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT:
I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
I've snorted while laughing.
I've laughed so hard I've cried.
I've glued my hand to something.
I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
I've had my pants rip in public.

HEALTH:
I was born with a disease/impairment. (Being 10wks premature has left its marks.)
I've had stitches.
I've broken a bone.
I've had my tonsils removed.
I've sat in a doctor’s office with a friend.
I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
I had a serious surgery
I've had chicken pox.

TRAVELING:
I've driven over 200 miles in one day. (Probably. I'm not sure, really.)
I've been on a plane.
I've been to Canada.
I've been to Niagara Falls.
I've been to Japan.
I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
I've been to Europe.
I've been to Africa.
I've been to France.

EXPERIENCES:
I've been lost in my city.
I've seen a shooting star.
I've wished on a shooting star.
I've seen a meteor shower.
I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I've been to a casino.
I've been skydiving.
I've gone skinny dipping.
I've played spin the bottle.
I've crashed a car.
I've been skiing.
I've been in a play.
I've met someone in person from the Internet.
I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I've seen the Northern Lights.
I've sat on a rooftop at night.
I've played chicken.
I've played a prank on someone.
I've ridden in a taxi.
I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I've eaten sushi.
I've been snowboarding.

RELATIONSHIPS:
I'm single.
I'm in a relationship.
I'm available.
I'm engaged.
I'm married.
I've gone on a blind date.
I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I've been divorced.
I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
I've told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I've kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY:
I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.
I've kissed a member of the same sex.
I've had sex with someone of the opposite sex.
I've had sex with someone of the same sex.
I've had sex with more than one person at the same time.
I am a cuddler.
I've been kissed in the rain.
I've had sex outdoors.
I've hugged a stranger.
I have kissed a stranger.
I have had sex with a stranger.

HONESTY/CRIME:
I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.
I have lied to my parents about where I am.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I've cheated while playing a game.
I've cheated on a test.
I've run a red light.
I've been suspended from school.
I've witnessed a crime.
I've been in a fist fight.
I've been arrested.
I've shoplifted.

DRUGS/ALCOHOL:
I've consumed alcohol.
I smoke cigarettes.
I smoke pot.
I regularly drink.
I've taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.

MENTAL HEALTH:
I have been diagnosed with depression.
I shut others out when I'm depressed.
I take anti-depressants.
I have an eating disorder.
I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.
I've hurt myself on purpose.
I'm addicted to self harm.
I've woken up crying.

DEATH:
I'm afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I've seen someone dying.
I have attempted suicide.
Someone close to me has attempted suicide.

RANDOM:
I can sing well.
I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others too easily.
I watch the news.
I don't kill bugs.
I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for sake of being able to rhyme.
I curse regularly.
I sing in the shower.
I am a morning person.
I paid for my cell phone ringtone.
I'm a snob about grammar.
I am a sports fanatic.
I play with my hair.
I have/had "x"s in my screen name.
I love being neat.
I love Spam.
I've copied more than 30 CDs in a day.
I bake well.
My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
I don't know how to shoot a gun.
I am in love with love.
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I laugh at my own jokes. (Someone has to.)
I eat fast food weekly.
I believe in ghosts.
I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
I am really ticklish.
I love white chocolate.
I bite my nails.
I play video games.
I'm good at remembering faces.
I'm good at remembering names.
I'm good at remembering dates.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I used to have trouble with bullies, back in elementary and high school. I was the the fat weird girl that no one wanted to be seen around. that came with its own set of troubles - and I've come to accept that.

But now? I think my biggest bully - the one person that keeps me from believing in myself, the one that beats me down emotionally...is me.

Because all those years in my childhood taught me, to some extent, that I'm not worth it. That I can't attain it. And so when I get close, I get discouraged - and I don't go after the final step. Fear of failure. Fear of humiliation. And the underlying "knowledge" that I don't deserve it. So I just don't. I live in dreams and fantasies, never taking the final step to actually be happy.

And that's hard to fight off.

Because how do you stop yourself?

Got tagged by litcrit42 to do this silly thing, so though I've never seen a full season and have barely seen any of the most recent, LET'S GO!

( Doctor Who lays beneath... )

All right. Time for the huge "I haven't posted in forever" post, and say what's going on.

- I have two jobs.
- I might be getting a car.
- I went to Tekko and had shittons of fun INCLUDING meeting Steve Blum (who voices Spike Spiegel and Vincent Valentine)
- I'm moving in the next two weeks.

Yeah, that last one's the kicker. Back to the house in Bemus I lived in before I went to college, except this time I'll be downstairs rather than upstairs. We've already started moving things over. I'm watching a friend's house/cat/dog the week after Easter, so I basically have to be totally moved over by then.

That gives me...11 days. To move everything I own.

So if I'm really stressed out and not online much and basically acting like I don't much want anything to do with you at all - it's because of the move. (Not to mention the rationale behind the move, which is another story entirely and not one suited for the Internet.)

Good news: I'm going to Colossalcon in June, and just booked the hotel room today. It's gonna be sweet. The girl working at reservations was also named Rachel, and she was super nice and we talked for a bit. But that got all worked out, and I'll be staying with Kylee, Kaylee, and Mike - which will be super fun. I just need to get my pre-reg in, with the money I don't have. *sigh* With Mike staying with us, the cost per person will drop a little, so I have a little more leeway in my spending money - which is good because I'll probably need it for the car.

OH YEAH - reasoning for that: debit card info got hijacked and $350 is in limbo. Once the charges go all the way through, I need to contest them, because I DIDN'T MAKE 2 PURCHASES OF $140 IN THE PAST WEEK AT ALL... and hopefully get my money back. Sigh.

So yeah. Jaxi and I are going to work on her house and get drunk this weekend. Probably not at the same time. (Probably.)

Oh maaaaaan. Umm... *thinks*

I'm gonna be honest.

I'm gonna have to go with Tony DiNozzo.

WHAT CAN I SAY HE'S ADDICTIVE

Childhood friends is actually an interesting subject for me. When I was very small, I lived on a dead end road with three other children: Andy, Ashley, and Stephanie. I move when I was 6 - they were all about 9 or 10 - but I never saw them again. We've all since graduated from high school (and probably all college) so I don't really know how to track them down. I don't think I'd recognize them, and none of them have obscure enough names to really make an educated guess on Facebook.

I wish I'd found a way to keep in touch, though. I don't even remember saying goodbye to them when I moved. Maybe I did. I can't remember. But I wish there was a way to find them again.

I doubt they'd read this - or if they did, if they'd remember who I was. But if your name is any of those above...and you lived on a dead end street in NY with a little girl named Rachel that moved away...maybe you're my old friend. Andy played the drums; I remember wanting a set of my own. Ashley had an older sister who kept her Barbies in a box on top of filing cabinet. Stephanie lived at the end of the road, and had a box of dress-up clothes. I never wanted to play dress-up...I just remember having the option and thinking it was silly.

Look at me now, hm? Theatre training, cosplay...but then again, I dress as guys half the time. Not too many princesses. XD

I don't think about them often, I guess - but they're always in the back of my head. I've given characters of mine all of their last names. It's my little way of having my memory of them live on forever. Nate's mother... Bryan... Madeline... All have a last name from my childhood friends.

Maybe someday they'll get a chance to know that.